Have you Guarded your ASS this bull-run?

(tl;dr at the bottom, frens.)



Have you ever wondered why so many DeFi projects seem to follow the same shifty schemes?

It’s always the same story…


An interesting new digital offering gains some significant traction, and many times fails to bring with it an equal amount of value.

In a bull-market, this “hot new thing” is suddenly appearing everywhere…

They always tout some kind of great “opportunity”, “potentiality”, “scalability” and “interoperability”, when honestly, it’s all just “bullshitology”.


They’re a bunch of buzzwords, but with no real “buzz”.

These projects are constantly manipulated and leveraged by the “investors” until soon enough, they’re no longer “the hot new thing”.

Basically, at the end of the day, we as the investor get stuck with shitcoins that have absolutely no intrinsic value, and no long term planning.

That’s why nobody’s ever focusing on real world products.

Because who gives AF if we ain’t getting our digital bag filled any time soon…


Well we’re here to change all that.


In an ASStounding way.

We’re here to literally GUARD your ASS.

We care about one thing and one thing above all: Providing MORE value to our community and investors, than we retain for ourselves.

You’ll find this mission to be the key in our success.

We want YOU to be the “whale”.

We know what it’s like to get absolutely rekt.

So we offer our services — with YOU as the greatest beneficiary.

This is the philosophy behind all of our products and all of the services we’re launching.


Yeah, you read that right. Read it again if you have to…

It doesn’t matter how difficult the endeavour.

We won’t compromise.

As long as it solves a real problem for the people, and it’s not merely hype; we’ll find a way to make it more profitable for you.

We want to offer as much value to as many of you as possible, first.

And through doing this, we believe our community will be stronger than any other.

This is the HEART and SOUL behind our ASS.

Yo, cool. But why join ASSGUARD?




The DeFi space is full of projects whose only goal is to raise money. And unfortunately, they won’t give their loyal supporters any utility in exchange.

We’re here to create a strong, sustainable community.

Where creators, crypto enthusiasts, and investors can participate in a real value creation process: A process where they are not shackled by the big corporations and their limitations.

A process where value is created by, enjoyed by, and shared amongst the actual users.

A process that includes unique provisions and an incredible incentive for members that offer their own collectibles up for display, and for others to acquire. You could essentially get paid in ASS, for your ASS.
(Or whatever other cool shit you want to share).

The kind of a process we’re striving for creates an incredibly important amount of traction and retention.

This is critical in a space where hundreds of new competitors emerge every day.

With a long term view, goals, and practical incentives in mind; and of course with YOU, we can all come out on top.

The people need a place to share their exotic passions and feel a part of a community, even if only a small one.

What determines our sense of belonging is not the size of our mob, but the connectedness and strength between its members and behind its common passion.

Though there are only few of us now, our passion is ASStronomical.

Naturally, the platform must incentivise and leverage the creation and growth of such a community! So we need your help.

Becoming an AssGuardian and joining our mob is simple.

ASS will be passed around fairly according to a three-tiered recruitment approach. This ensures the most loyal soldiers are rewarded accordingly, and are eligible for the awesome exclusive prizes.

Demigod’s Capo Recruitment:

(Pre-sale round 1) OFFICIALLY OPEN: https://app.bounce.finance/fixed-swap/4800

Max. ASS distributed: 20,000

- 1 ASS = 0.0075 ETH
- 1 ETH = 133.33 ASS

Hardcap: 150 ETH

The top 5 investors during this period will each receive 1 of only 10 ever: LEGENDARY Demigod founders’ edition NFTs.

5 random investors who buy 0.333ETH or more of ASS will also be eligible for this prize.

Soldier’s Recruitment:

(Pre-sale round 2)

Max. ASS distributed: 30,000

- 1 ASS = 0.00833 ETH
- 1 ETH = 120 ASS
Hardcap: 250 ETH

The top 5 investors during this period will each receive 1 of only 10 ever: LEGENDARY Soldiers’ edition NFTs.

5 random investors who buy 0.333ETH or more of ASS will also be eligible for this prize.

Civilian’s Recruitment:

(Public Uniswap listing)

  • ASS distributed on Uniswap: 10,000
  • Listing price: 1 ASS = 0.012 ETH

ASS will be listed on Uniswap immediately after soldier recruitment finishes.

AssGuard to the Moon! ~ Here we have some art submitted to us by a keen fan; excited about what our platform will mean for the sharing of his works. With AssGuard, a platform and voice is available for all creatives.

Future Prospects

Our platform has some truly incredible functionalities in store. Not only are we changing the game with zero fees, but we’re not stopping there.

We’ve been feeding ourselves so much knowledge. And we plan to excrete the many awesome products that we have backed-up in the pipes, as we complete the work on each of them respectively.

We want your ASS in on the action as we go! Sneak peeks and thorough updates will be provided actively by the team along the journey.

All transactions within the protocol will be managed through the use of the ASS token, and all profits from the various platforms within will be fed back to ASS holders. Thus increasing it’s price, and adding an intrinsic value and incentive to the purchase of the coin.

Naturally, there’s so much more to discuss, and we promise to loosen up and let something leak soon…

Stress less. Your ASS is in good hands… ;)


Here it is, frens:

  • Exclusive community benefits. (Prizes, NFTs, Giveaways, Community Games, Meme Contests etc.)
  • Cheaper & easier to use than current markets.
  • Only 69,000 ASS.
  • Team funds locked for 12 months.
  • The coolest aesthetic and team members.
  • The most cohesive community. Catering to all niche interests.
  • Exclusive artist partnerships and collectibles.
  • No mint function in contract.
  • No pre-mine.
  • No whitelists.
  • No bullshit.

Only sweet, sweet ASS.

So, you guys ready to grab some, and start struttin’ that ASS?

Remember to join the ASSGUARD Club on all platforms and become a part of the journey!

AssGuardians, Assemble!


Twitter: https://twitter.com/_AssGuard

Medium: https://assguard.medium.com

Telegram: https://t.me/AssGuarDians

Discord: https://discord.gg/frqkD3qJ5S

PRESALE OPEN NOW: https://app.bounce.finance/fixed-swap/4800

“And now, until we meet again, may the blessings of AssGuard be showered upon you!” ~ Stan Lee




Join the club to save your asses.

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